Saturday, December 19, 2009


I've eaten like a pig today and pretty much this entire week because of my period. I just can't stop. It sucks but I take comfort in knowing that for the entire month of January my calorie count will be 0. 30 Days. It'll be life changing. I'll come out at least 20 pounds lighter.


I think my sister is bulimic. I've always wondered how she managed to maintain her weight and she had a bout with anorexia in middle school. It all makes sense now.
I heard her trying to mask the sounds in the bathroom but I know those noises. I'd recognize them anywhere. Even half hidden by running water.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.
Part of me hopes that she realizes one day how stupid she is for this. Part of me wants to confront her.
More than anything else, I am afraid.
I want one of us to end up happy and normal and honestly, I don't think I can be that person.

Monday, December 14, 2009


I finally got around to measuring myself and putting that information into a body fat calculator.



Body Fat:


(What the fuck?)

All I want to do is be skinny. I want to reach those unreachable goals.
I will.
I am already on my way.
Stupid fucking period has me eating like a normal person but that will change in four days. As soon as I go home it is back to eating all vegan, all low-calorie. I can eat under 500 a day and no one will even notice because they are all wrapped up in their own pathetic lives.

I've decided on my New Years resolution. For the entire month of January I am going to water fast. Then I'll do the ABC diet and start training for running the marathon downtown on St. Patty's Day. :]
The best part about this is that there is no one with the power to stop me.


Thursday, December 10, 2009


Fuck this shit. He told me to eat like a normal person so I did. I was 120 lbs for him. I ATE FOR HIM. And now he is gone. So fuck eating. Fuck being normal. I am so sick of being fat. All I want is to be 93 pounds. Is that such a bad thing? Is it evil of me to want thighs that don't touch?
Well fuck him. I am not going to be normal anymore.
Ana, you can have me fully now.
I give my heart, mind, soul, and body to you.
Make me beautiful now.
Make me worthy of someone's love.
Maybe one day someone will come along that will truly love me an will be with me.

Friday, December 4, 2009


I miss being a kid.