Friday, January 29, 2010

Idea! :D

If I can manage to eat under 800 every day until He goes without him noticing, I'll be in much better shape when it comes time to water fast. I won't have to tear myself up every day and cry when I see the numbers on the scale. Much better... :]

124 this morning.
Disgusting.

So I am joining the air force and the lowest weight you can be is 104 lbs. Twenty pounds. That's not so bad of a goal. :]
I CAN DO IT!

And so can you!

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VERSUS:

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Excuses, excuses

I'm sorry I haven't really been around. It is just that He is leaving in February for the air force and I won't get a chance to see him for probably a couple months and I am just trying to spend as much time possible AND do school AND find a job. I am so stressed out and I can't even manage to eat well. I hate this. I know, I know... excuses are pathetic. There are thousands who are successful at this. I just can't seem to get my shit together. I don't know why.
I have 8 1/2 weeks of just myself coming up. No one to tell me 'EAT'.
Water fast for at least four weeks.
I need it.
Oh God, do I need it...

It is raining for the second day in a row.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Compromises make you fat

It's true. Every time you say "but it is just one little cookie" or "it is only one more slice of bread", you are making yourself fatter. It took me almost 18 years to realize this. This is my one weakness. My entire life I've been told that to compromise is to make life better and easier for everyone. False. Every time I make an excuse for myself, it just pushes me further from my goal. At this rate, I wonder if I will ever reach it at all.

I've decided that when I reach my first goal weight of 109 lbs I am going to give myself the treat of getting my second tattoo. That won't be for a couple months because I have to wait for him to leave for basic training. After he leaves there will be no one to keep me from water fasting. No one to talk me out of it. No weakness. My shields are rebuilt and ready to go up at a moments notice. February 23rd isn't that to far away...
Until that day that I am able to water fast my worries away, I am just going to keep going with this vegan diet and exercise five days a week thing. It isn't getting me to where I want quick enough but for now it will just have to do.
Also, I'm not cutting my hair short again. I don't like it short, it makes me look like a child. Ugh...

And now... *drumroll*... TATTOO THINSPO! :D

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Saturday, January 2, 2010

2010

New year, same old bullshit. Still am having trouble pulling myself together. I let him talk me out of fasting. Why the fuck did I ever let him in that close?

Anyway. That's enough from me. Here's a little bit of thinspo for all youz to get you revved up for the new *SKINNY* year. :]

Oh, and BTW, four months until bathing suit season.


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