Running

Running seams to define my life right now. I'm running at the gym to escape this fat that is constricting me. I am running away from here to start a new semester of college on Saturday. I am running away from actually being an adult by joining ROTC and pretending that I won't have to make a hard choice if someone else makes it for me. I'm running from myself. I'm running from Him. I'm running from Boyfriend.
What am I running to?

He told me that if He gets a divorce from his horrible wife, He wants to be with me. He wants to be my friend. He wants to talk.
Run away.

Boyfriend is boyfriend no longer. We are technically on a 'break' but I doubt I will go back. We were about to hit our 6 months together. 6 months. That is terrifying. I don't want to be with anyone. When I tried to tell him that, he kept trying to cling to me which only made me want to run more. I can't do this.
Run away.

I've accepted the fact that I am not a good person and that I have serious issues. There is no reason why someone should want to be with me, especially while I am spinning in this tornado of emotions.

On a positive note, I bottomed out at 125 this weekend. I haven't seen that number since winter and trust me, it felt good. It was all water weight though from the alcohol. I am currently around 127.4 and in a IDGAFFFFFFFFFFFUCK mood. If I started counting everything that I ate before move-in, I'd crack. My only deal is that I have to exercise every single day and eat only healthy things that are on my green list.