Running seams to define my life right now. I'm running at the gym to escape this fat that is constricting me. I am running away from here to start a new semester of college on Saturday. I am running away from actually being an adult by joining ROTC and pretending that I won't have to make a hard choice if someone else makes it for me. I'm running from myself. I'm running from Him. I'm running from Boyfriend.
What am I running to?
He told me that if He gets a divorce from his horrible wife, He wants to be with me. He wants to be my friend. He wants to talk.
Boyfriend is boyfriend no longer. We are technically on a 'break' but I doubt I will go back. We were about to hit our 6 months together. 6 months. That is terrifying. I don't want to be with anyone. When I tried to tell him that, he kept trying to cling to me which only made me want to run more. I can't do this.
I've accepted the fact that I am not a good person and that I have serious issues. There is no reason why someone should want to be with me, especially while I am spinning in this tornado of emotions.
On a positive note, I bottomed out at 125 this weekend. I haven't seen that number since winter and trust me, it felt good. It was all water weight though from the alcohol. I am currently around 127.4 and in a IDGAFFFFFFFFFFFUCK mood. If I started counting everything that I ate before move-in, I'd crack. My only deal is that I have to exercise every single day and eat only healthy things that are on my green list.