Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Fasting Day 2

So I am on my second day of fasting. I've been doing a weird combination of water fasting and incorporating a little bit of acai tea and diet soda. So far it hasn't been too rough, mostly because there is so much going on and I think the Hydroxycut pills keep me from feeling the 'hunger pangs'.
I am definitely wanting to binge right now, though. All the food my Mom got me when she came and dropped me off at school is just staring me in the face. Just one bite. One little bowl of cereal. One sandwich. I know that if I even think about giving in, this amazing fasting journey will go completely down the drain. I don't want to go through the first day again. All I have to do is face these desires down and tell them to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Goodbye Fatty.
Sunday, 132
Today, 128.8.
Not too shabby.

I see Boyfriend this Friday and more than anything I want to blow his mind when I step off the train. He's honestly the sweetest and best boyfriend that I have ever had. We haven't exactly been taking things slow but I rationalize it by the fact that we've been talking since December. I didn't expect to feel like this so soon. I didn't expect to meet someone that accepts me.
After all the shit that has happened, it feels weird to be in a happy, normal relationship.

A part of me is scared and just waiting for him to show his dark side, just waiting for him to hurt me, waiting for him to decide that I'm not worth his time and leave like all the others.

God, please let him be different.

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