My Day of Indulgence is over. I have disgusted myself to the point where I don't want to eat for a long long time. Which was the purpose of the DoI. Mwahahaha... :]

Stay strong, stay strong. Everyone always tells me to stay strong. But in truth I am the opposite. I am weak. I give in. I forgive myself for things that should never be forgiven. I need strength but I can't find it. So I manufacture it. I steal it. I fake it. I am a master at illusions. To everyone else I am strong and invulnerable but to the few that can see behind the mask (and trust me, there are in such rare supply that I can count them on one hand) I am a frightened child. I am disappearing. They worry for me. But again, they don't realize that that is what I want. I want to feel the wind rip through me. I embrace bones and the constant cold. I want thin. I need thin.

Yes. Stay strong. Haha.

A little bit of inspiration, seeing as I am sitting on my fat ass and giving in to my cravings.

After one day of liquid fasting and another of eating relatively normal, I am now 115.6 pounds. Better. Much better. But now that I know how easily fasting can be done, I am not afraid. Here I go. Today is a day of healthy eating and than starting tomorrow, water fast for two weeks. Fourteen days. I will be clean, pure, beautiful, and skinny.

This morning I stand at 118 pounds. I can feel the weight crushing me, the fat choking my mind, the jiggling and the rolls only a few pounds away. I can smile at those things now.
Today I begin a fasting regiment. For one week I will start with a liquids fast and than I will slowly work my way into a water fast. I intend to lose a minimum of twenty pounds on this fast, which is not that hard to do if the fast is done properly. I'm angry at myself, which will be the gasoline on the fire.
Burn baby, burn.

http://www.falconblanco.com/health/fasting.htm

I will be this:

Fed Up

It is time to get down to business. All of the stress of going to college has kept me from really feeding ana but now I am so fed up with myself that I am ready to unleash the beast. I need to be 109 pounds. It is only ten pounds from where I am at now but it seems to far away. I have to get there.


500 or less
Breakfast/lunch;
Tea + Splenda = 0
Apple = 80

Dinner @ Olive Garden (God help me...)

I am here because I honestly hate myself and the body I am in. I disgust myself on a regular basis. I am ready for change.

109 pounds is my first goal. It will be hard but I need this. As long as I keep the final goal in mind, I am sure I will succeed.

Today will be my last day of normal eating. Tomorrow I start the ABC diet. Wish me luck.